The big, bad Kick video assessment: it’s done.

<insert HUGE sigh of relief here>

Well…make that quasi-sigh of relief. It ain’t over yet!

BUT the first step towards certification is done. I got my Kick video assessment recorded and now the waiting game begins!! <—-and no, I’m NOT the patient time so this should be an interesting next coupla weeks. πŸ˜‰

But eeeeeeeeeee!! I did it. I got ‘er done and after letting it all settle in my brain, I don’t think I did half bad. Of course, I’m my own worst critic so these are the thoughts running around in my head:

Hmm. I cued them to jab and rip four times when it should’ve been four jabs, two rips.

And wow, I was so out of breath during track 4 (Kick track) that I could hardly get my pre-cues out…and even missed a couple pre-cues. Ack.

I shuffled on the right when I should’ve been on the left during track 7. Is that a reason to fail me??

And damn, by track 8 (second muay thai) was I aggressive enough? Powerful enough? Sharp enough. I don’t know.

Ack.

BUT…I did it. Rewind to December and I couldn’t even BEGIN to fathom how I’d ever get to this point. It seemed insurmountable. Impossible even. But yet, here I am. This is my dream, my passion! And I’m doing it. I got this.

Ahhh. <insert true sigh of relief and satisfaction here>

Probably the most awesome moment of the night? Meeting a brand new gym member who had never heard of Kick, never taken the class. She asked about it beforehand, I gave her a few tips and she said she’d give it a whirl but warned that if she left partway through not to take offense if she just couldn’t get through it. Knowing she was new, I kept an eye on her in the back of the class. She was smiling the entire time. She obviously wasn’t as caught up as the others in class, the “regulars” that is. But she was having fun!! I could tell. It got me through some of the tougher parts of the class – seeing her smiling big the whole time.

After class? She came up to me to thank me. Said I was an “awesome instructor” and that she LOVED the class. Loved it. Thought I was an awesome instructor. Really?? She thought I was awesome?? AND she told a few other instructors who were milling about in the halls the very same thing. Wow. I made an impact on someone. I inspired them! Now THAT, my friends, is exactly why I’m here, plowing along this Kick journey come hell or highwater. πŸ˜‰

With that, I’m off to hit the shower – I am one sweaty, bedraggled, smelly (sorry Scott!) chica. Thank you for all of your support and awesome comments, you guys are the best, as usual! πŸ™‚

Ack!

I’m kinda freaking out right now.

My fitness director moved my Kick video assessment taping up from Thurs AM to tomorrow night during the 6:30pm class.

Ack!

For some reason this gives me serious butterflies and a big, bad case of nerves!

My sister thinks I’m nuts (which I realize is probably true) but moving it to tomorrow night means a bigger class to “perform” for and the possibility that our fitness director will be there and she just makes me nervous (or MORE nervous).

I need to find a way to harness this nervous energy into GOOD energy and excitement for tomorrow’s big video taping. I realize this. I’m just in irrational reaction mode. To calm myself I figured that I’d a) turn on my Kick music while I finish out my day at work and b) that I’d blog it out just to get these nervous thoughts OUT of my brain.

Hmm, seems to be working, sort of. πŸ˜‰

So – let’s look at the positives here (thanks Heather for planting that seed in my brain!).

Pros:

  • It’ll be a bigger class so there will be more energy which I can feed off of
  • I can recruit my fellow Kick instructors to come cheer me on – they weren’t keen on coming to the early AM Thursday class
  • I get it over with a day sooner

Cons:

  • It’ll be a bigger class – which sort of makes me nervous, I had in my head that I’d be performing in a more subdued setting so in my head that’s how I’ve played it out all along. Now that it’s changed, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around.
  • It’s a day sooner which means less prep time…but at least it’ll be DONE

Ok – so definitely lots of pro’s here, huh?Β  In that case, I better buck up and stop being such a “Sally” (as Scott would say)!

I will definitely report back tomorrow night when all is said and done but for now I better put my “Get Fierce” game face on and get ready to rock it. This IS my dream afterall, right?!

6.2 mi., Kickin’ it, just “being…”

Yes, as the title alludes to, this post is a little on the random side but there’s a LOT to catch up on after being “disconnected” since Friday. Wow – that’s definitely a record for me. πŸ˜‰

For starters – I had the most AMAZING weekend with Scott. I can’t even begin to describe how much fun we had – it was just perfect, and reminded me yet again that I am one lucky girl. We seriously have so much fun together, no matter what we do together. Its unreal – sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself, as if the past (almost) 6 years were all just a dream. Thankfully, that’s not the case. πŸ™‚ Long story short – our night in Boston on Friday was over the top. We stayed at XV Beacon which is this amazing boutique hotel right in the city that you’d never know existed if you didn’t look for it purposefully. They treated us like royalty too – little did they know what a bargain we got the room for (thank you Red Cross Auction!!) – and our room was so posh, even had an awesome gas-lit fireplace at the foot of the bed! We had a delish dinner at Morton’s (and yes, had the hot chocolate cake for dessert, thank you LauraDishes!!) topped off with a way-too-expensive-but-totally-worth-every-penny bottle of Stag’s Leap Petite Syrah. Mmmm, mouth watering just thinking about it! AND – we met up with my sis and the first guy I’ve met that she’s dated since her divorce. A pretty big step, and I did my best NOT to be the overprotective sister I wanted to be. It was great though – fun, not awkward at all, he’s very attentive and outgoing which I like to see. So, all in all, I like him…so far. πŸ˜‰

As for the rest of the weekend? Saturday was a late-start followed by a nice, relaxing “date night in” – we crafted a darn good meal of roasted fingerling potatoes with rosemary, baby spinach salad, steamed broccoli and seared sea scallops. Not gonna lie, we made a pretty fine feast for ourselves! Sunday was equally relaxing – BUT included my longest run ever! We were banking on getting past the 6 mile mark and we did it! Ran just over 6, probably around 6.2 or a 10k route which is PERFECT considering our plan to run a 10k around June-ish and the half marathon in September. Plenty of time to figure out how to get myself to run a full 13.1 miles, right (and you too, Jo, Meg, Scott!) ?? Ack! I will say, though, I did notice that my endurance is definitely much improved – and I give some big props to Kick for that. I noticed that during our run on Sunday, it wasn’t the usual gasping for air partway through the run that got me (no gasping here, woo!), it was my hips and my knees that started to ache a bit that distracted me. Good thing Scott’s a great running coach and kept me motivated when things got a little out of hand near the end. Reason #5,675 why he’s the bestest. <—ok, I promise to stop gushing now, whoops πŸ˜‰

And finally, in other Kick-related news, a couple of biggies coming up. FIRST and foremost – I’m taping my Kick video assessment on Thursday – come hell or highwater, and I WILL do my best ever that day. I’m willing myself to believe it and it’ll happen, right? I just want to get it done and done right — no do-overs here. So fingers and toes crossed. To prepare – I went to Kick tonight and plan to go on Wednesday too (to support Jo’s first solo too, of course!) and hopefully by Thursday AM I will be ready as I’ll ever be. I’m going to do my best to pretend the camera isn’t there and just go about my Kick business as I normally would. Let’s hope it works. The other biggie? Our fitness director wants to launch the Spring ’10 release in….um….THREE weeks. And guess who has looked at the new release a total of two times? That would be me. BUT – I’m ignoring that fact until Thursday and will worry about the new release then. A problem for another day, right??

Focusing on being “present”

And by “present,” I mean “in the moment.”

While it’s been part of my ongoing ruminating, and was definitely a new years’ resolution for myself, I was reminded and/or inspired to revisit the concept today when I read one of my favorite blogs, Laura Dishes. Her post today mentioned her focus on being “present” while she was on her run where she found herself suddenly iPod-less and realized how great it was just to soak in the sights and sounds around her. Isn’t it funny how things just seem so different when you really do stop and just BE in that moment? Whatever it may be?

Currently the moment I’m in? About to hit a meeting before wrapping up my day and just devoured a delicious Chobani vanilla yogurt with some Fiber One sprinkled on top. The yogurt was creamy and delish and makes me happy. πŸ™‚ Well – that’s sort of a lame “in the moment” moment but you get the idea. If you stop and forget the part about being at work, scrambling to get things done and just focus on something as mundane as eating a yogurt and things suddenly seem different, somehow.

Maybe it’ s just me but the whole “bloom where you’ve been planted” concept has REALLY stuck with me this week and has made a world of a difference. I just feel much more at ease and at peace with where I’ve been planted and am living in the moment much more lately. Even this morning at Kick, I was in the audience so the pressure was off which gave me a chance to peek around at the class while working out. It was just so amazing to see familiar faces who just weeks ago had no idea how to Kick it with us and now they’re following along great and even showing improvements. And why is that? Because their darn good instructors-in-training taught them those moves! SUCH sweet satisfaction knowing that. Plus, there were two new faces in class today who made a point to come up to both me and Steph (who taught today) to thank us, telling us how much they LOVED the class. I even noticed about halfway through class that the sun was beaming into the room, glinting off our sweaty faces and even THAT made me smile. It means spring is here!

How’s THAT for being “present” and “in the moment” today, huh??

So anyway, I just had to jot down these thoughts while they were rolling around in my head. AND to let you all know that I may go a little quiet on you this weekend. In the spirit of being “present,” I’m going to try to disconnect until Sunday. I have the ENTIRE weekend off with Scott, starting tomorrow actually, to spend together which we have been looking forward to since our last “date weekend” over a month ago. Since then, we’ve both been working fools so we’ve not had a bunch of time together lately.

On the docket? Restaurant Week in Boston is in full swing so we’re taking full advantage – hitting up Morton’s Steakhouse (I’m a sucker for a good steak and an even better Cabernet!) and staying in the city tonight. We have a hotel night’s stay we’ve been saving up from a Red Cross event we attended last fall.

Aside from tomorrow’s big date, we’re planning a “party for two” at home on Saturday and a long run on Sunday since it’ll be warmer and sunny that day and I’ve been DYING to get that long run in we didn’t manage last Saturday. πŸ˜‰

So, while I’m trying not to “can’t wait” the weekend away too quickly, I am looking forward to getting the last few things checked off my to-do list so I can kick off the long weekend in style. There *may* be an evening run in the works tonight with my sis (since tonight Scott works late) but we’ll see, I am one tired chick after a rollercoaster of a week, lemme tell ya!

Bloom right where you’re planted

So, I usually leave Joel Osteen-tinged blog posts to my sister who always has such thoughtful, meaningful and inspirational blog posts that my blog thoughts tend to pale in comparison. πŸ˜‰ (that was an attempt at a compliment sis, you are a blog rockstar, what can I say??).

Well, I was told I needed to sit down and listen to Joel Osteen’s recording that was sitting on our DVR player from the weekend. For those of you wondering, my lovely husband was the one that pointed me to Joel tonight (possibly because I really needed to hear this tonight, maybe??).

Tonight’s message? Bloom right where you’re planted…a snippet from tonight’s sermon:

“Too many people in this world are living a negative and discouraged life…they don’t like their job, where they live, what they want to be…when they get stuck in traffic, its not where they want to be. Always fighting against where they are, wanting to be somewhere else. But God is more interested in me, than changing my circumstances. He’s more interested in changing me. To open those doors, the key is to bloom right where you’re planted. You have to be the best that you can be, right where you are. Be grateful for where you live, even if its not where you want to be. As long as we live in faith, where we are is where we’re supposed to be. It may be difficult, but God wouldn’t bring a challenge into our life unless He had a divine purpose for us. Nothing happens to us, it happens for us. God uses difficult people who come into our lives like sandpaper to rub the rough edges off of us. Some of the things that are uncomfortable in your life, that you’re trying to get rid of, if God removed them, you wouldn’t be prepared for change. It may not feel good, but it’s helping you to grow and to be all that He created you to be. We’re always trying to get somewhere else to be happy. If I could get a better job…or at least change departments…or find new friends…or a bigger home. Until He moves me, I’m going to be happy, this is where God wants me to be. If someone is not treating me right, I’m not going to let that sour my day and steal my joy. I’m going to rise above it and be happy anyway. That’s what it means to bloom where you’re planted. Whereever you are, God has you there for a reason. You don’t go up and down depending on your circumstances – you’re stable, you’re consistent, you’re always friendly, and happy and have a smile on your face despite your circumstances. That’s the sign of a mature person. It takes away those excuses, it puts the responsibility back on us to be happy and to enjoy our life right where we are. Make up your mind. You’re gonna bloom right where you are.”

Um yeah, was this sermon recorded JUST for me or what?? I mean, really. It couldn’t have spoken to me any deeper tonight. Aside from the long snippet I included above, a lot of Joel’s message was around change, and committing to changing the way YOU approach what he describes as ‘uncomfortable situations’. It’s not about the circumstance you’re in, it’s how you handle it and use that learning to be a better person. Realizing it’s all part of His plan for my life, that just speaks volumes. I’m such a control freak, I’m even trying to control my destiny now, if you really think about it in those terms, right? I need to learn to truly be happy right where I am and to bloom right where I’ve been planted. Stop focusing on the “weeds” and pulling up those “weeds” – trying to “fix” everything in my life, or the people in my life. Instead, focus on blooming, and blooming bigger than ever.

With that, I’m ready to bloom. I’m ready to enact change in myself, not in anything or anyone else. All of this focusing on circumstance and so forth has put me in a constant negative state of mind – I’ve become a weed! A weed! How awful is that?? I don’t want to be a weed. I want to be a blooming flower (preferably a blooming tulip if I had a choice).

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with fitness and balance and everything I tend to focus on in my blog posts, but given all of the other stuff I’ve been weaving into my most recent posts, I couldn’t resist blogging this out tonight. I hope you enjoyed it and felt inspired and comforted by the message from Joel, it spoke volumes to me.

Ruminations…

***Warning – serious rambling below***

Continuing on the thinking and perspective-seeking theme I’ve been on for the last couple of weeks, a couple of ruminations (i.e. rambling blog post ‘o the night!)…

Why is perspective such a b*tch? I mean really – why, the minute someone gives you new perspective on something, it alllll seems clear as day? And like a real b*tch slap in the face? I keep running into this lately, especially on those frustrating days, which today certainly qualifies as for a whole host of reasons I’m not going to delve into tonight. But anyway, as I was sitting here grumbling about those frustrating “things” from today, I thought back to some awesome perspective my sister blogged about recently here. This guy she’s been seeing is SO great at giving new insight and perspective into things, at least he seems pretty great at it so far based on what she’s told me and blogged about recently.

An excerpt from her post that really spoke to me:

“I hope you realize that your day isn’t going as bad as it COULD be going… its the stress that makes everything seem like it’s the only important thing you have going on….Just remember in the end…the LAST thing going through our mind is the wish that we spent more time at work, or completed another file, made another call or cleaned another load of laundry. When you’re stressed, try to remember these words and know that the little things that we take for granted and forget so easily are WAY more important than stressing out over getting something done before the 5PM deadline…”

So duh, of COURSE this is the right way to look at things. Of course it all makes sense and is so damn true, but why, oh why, the minute I reach a breaking point, can’t I pull myself out of that “dark” place and realize that it could always be worse. In the grand scheme of things, the things that have left me frustrated lately aren’t that big of a deal. They’re really not. It COULD be worse. So anyway, random rant, but had to get it off my chest – and of course, blogging it out, I already feel better. Ah, reason #759 why I love to blog. πŸ™‚

How do I help my friends find balance? I’m a big believer in balance and everything in moderation, as you all know. Well, an incident today made me think that I need to find a way to impart that balance in one of my close friends. Long story short, she’s big into working out, running, and all that jazz, which is great, right? Well, it would be great if she also fueled her body the way it deserved to be fueled versus running on fumes, literally. She’s been working really hard, at two jobs,Β  in fact, and has basically hit an exhaustion point which resulted in me having to drive her home from work today for fear that she’d pass out en route. I instructed her to sleep for the rest of the day, drink lots of water (I think she was dehydrated, for one) and start paying closer attention to how she ate, the vitamins she took, etc. The problem is, I’ve been trying to get through to her for months. She’s a vegetarian which is fine but she doesn’t really replace the lost nutrients from lack of meat in her diet with other things (beans, tofu, even iron supplements and such). She restricts herself to egg whites, fish or yogurt as her main source of protein and aside from that, eats a limited list of fruit and veggies. That’s it. No complex carbs or fiber. No other source of protein.

I’m worried about her. Seriously. I so badly want to help her find the balance that I’ve found because I think she’d not only be healthier and more energized, but she’d be happier. She restricts herself so much in both the types of foods she eats, how much she eats and how often she exercises. At this point, I’m sort of at a loss as to how to help her, aside from a big-time intervention. All I know is I’m worried for her. I want her to be balanced, healthy and happy. I wouldn’t describe her that way at this point, and that makes me sad. AND it reminds me that more often than not, many women fall into her camp versus the “balanced” camp which to me is totally driven by our society which is so body-image focused.

Ack. That was quite a rant – but I *did* warn you I was seriously rambly tonight, right??

So anyway, I’m a pretty big rambling, ruminating, hot mess tonight, so I apologize in advance. But seriously, any advice on the perspective thing or the balance thing for my friend and how to get through to her, LOVE to hear it!

Letting go of…schedules?

By now, you all know just how Type-A, routine-oriented, highly-scheduled I tend to be. (wow, typing up that explanation really makes me sound pretty, um, un-fun huh??).

So anyway, I’ve been trying very hard to enjoy this “thinking differently” mantra I’ve started to embody in recent weeks. My sister is in a similar mode at the moment too – trying to let go of that routine or “schedule” sometimes, and realizing that the world will NOT end if things don’t go according to plan.

My highly scheduled, routine-oriented self was put to the test yesterday. Scott and I were hosting a family cookout at our place for my aunt and cousin who were in town for the weekend, as I mentioned on Friday. We went to my friend’s play that night (which was awesome, btw) and didn’t get home until late which meant no “prep” for Saturday was done that night, obviously. We set the alarm clock for 8am so we could knock out a long run (was aiming for 6 miles) before getting all the prep work done for the food (including picking up the steak tips we planned to grill), finishing up some last minute cleaning, etc. I LOVE to host cookouts and parties and strive to make each get-together as fun and as filled with good food and drinks as possible. So, given my type-A tendencies, I always like to leave plenty of time to prep, get all the food ready to go so I’m not busy in the kitchen the whole time my guests are over. What fun would that be, right? So, I’m sure you can see where this is going, here, huh?

Well, let’s just say Scott had other “plans” for us first thing on Saturday (sorry trying to avoid a TMI moment here LOL!). By the time we got out of bed, my “schedule” was all thrown off. And for some reason I was REALLY tired still, like my body was just yelling at me to slow down. My head, however, was spinning a mile a minute. Just to give you an idea for how crazy I can be about schedules, I literally had my morning planned out in my head as follows:

8:00 – wake-up

8:15-9:15- run 6 miles with Scott

9:15-10:00 – eat breakfast

10:00-11:00 – prep the salad, roasted potatoes, veggies and dip, cheese and crackers, etc. while Scott runs out to get the steak tips

11:00-12:00 – shower and get dressed

12:00-1:00 – Get the table and chairs out from the basement for their return appearance on the deck, get the table set, etc.

1:00-on – let the party begin

Well, it didn’t quite happen that way. And of course, Scott knew my brain was working a mile a minute so he was pretty proud of me when we decided it was probably smarter to nix the run to get everything else done. I ended up going with him to the butcher near our house (a new one we wanted to try) which was fun and even better than splitting up to get things done for the party. We don’t get a lot of time together on weekend lately so we do make a point not to be apart if we don’t have to the rare times we do have a Saturday together (insert “awwww” here). So, it ended up being such fun going to the butcher with Scott – he LOVED it, it was like meat heaven to him which was just hysterical to watch. Like a kid in a candy store. πŸ˜‰

We told eachother that once the party was over, we’d get that run in since it was just SUCH a gorgeous day yesterday. But, after all was said and done, we were pooped. But because Scott is such a trooper when it comes to my, ahem, “quirks,” he agreed to go change to hit the road for our long-awaited run. We set out on our usual course and less than a half mile in, we stopped, laughed at eachother and ended up going for a nice walk, hand-in-hand, instead. It was perfect.

Now, not gonna lie (and Heather can fully attest to this!), I did have an “ack, two rest days this week??” moment where I started to feel badly for not sucking it up and getting the run done. But, after taking stock of the day and remembering those little “moments” Scott and I shared in lieu of our run, it was so worth it. Just what we needed, actually.

And now, just like Heather said to me last night, I managed to get an amazing workout in this morning (Ride which was killer today and after that, I popped an STS workout in, just for kicks) and it feels great. And, guess what? The world did not end. I did not magically gain 5 lbs overnight because I rested two days vs. one last week. Instead, I’m sitting here reflecting on an awesome day with my family and, especially, with Scott.

So, long story short? Sometimes it IS ok to let go of that schedule. I think I need to do it more often, actually. Hmm, something to think about. πŸ˜‰

Embracing your inner ‘Skinnygirl’

Ah, Friday, how I’ve missed you so. You took an awful long time to arrive this week and boy am I glad you’re here! LOTS of fun to be had this weekend, friends, so I’m psyched to be kicking it off very soon (if only that thing called ‘work’ didn’t interfere, I’d already be well on my way to the weekend by now!).

I have to say, though, despite some ups and downs I’ve been feeling and noting pretty openly on this here blog, the latter half of this week wasn’t *as* bad for me as the past couple have seemed. And you know what? I TOTALLY give major credit to the weather that’s inspired the change. The weather was gorgeous last night, just begging for an after-work run, who was I to deny it? My sis and I ran for about 45 mins or so (not sure how far we went, it was a new route for us) and it was utterly amazing, gorgeous, peaceful, perfect. Loved every minute (even the obnoxious boys that drove by and yelped out the window “wooo! nice ass!” <—I mean really boys, could you be more immature??). Anyway, it’s incredible what a few rays of sunshine, warmer temps and the return of the birds chirping and the peepers “peeping” at night that just transforms me. Perhaps I really do need to examine that bucket list and start investigating warmer climates in a CITY to consider relocating to, eh? πŸ˜‰

As an aside, was catching up on my blog reading last night and stumbled on a pretty awesome post from Lara over at Thinspired. She just got a signed copy of the book Skinnygirl which I’d heard of but didn’t really know what the fuss was about. Well, after reading this blurb from her blog about what exactly the whole Skinnygirl concept is, I totally want this book!

β€œSkinnygirl does not mean bone-thin.Β  Only dogs like bones.Β  Being a Skinnygirl doesn’t mean you have to be a size 2 or 4.Β  A Skinnygirl loves herself, liver her life the fullest, and knows how to eat, drink, and be merry without fearing or obsessing over food.Β  A Skinnygirl owns her life.”

Um hello? Have you read the tagline to my blog lately? It mirrors the definition of a “Skinnygirl”: “Diary of a fitness fanatic who likes to eat, drink, and be merry, too.”

Now, granted, I don’t necessarily love the “Skinnygirl” moniker because I think it could send the wrong message at first glance, but I love the concept and agree – it’s not the size of your pants, the number on that scale (ahem!), or how restricted you are with your eats, it’s about balance, in all aspects of life. Can I get an Amen!?

And on that note – I hope ya’ll have an awesome weekend! On the agenda for me? Going to see one of my close friends perform in a play tonight (she is incredible as an actress and an all around awesome person, I cannot wait to see it!!), tomorrow we’re hosting a family get-together with my aunt and cousin who are visiting from MN (gram and gramp are coming too, LOVE getting to visit with them, they live in ME so we don’t see as much of them in the winter months as we do in the summer); and Sunday we’re having a pizza-fest with my fellow Kick-mates at Anthony’s house (the sole male in the group, rock on, Ant!). He has an outdoor pizza oven which I know for SURE Scott is going to be totally jealous of when he sees it. The plan is to eat lots of wood-fired pizza, drink some sangria (spring has sprung!) and play a little bocce. Shaping up to be a pretty darn good weekend if you ask me. πŸ™‚

Going solo

I did it.

I taught my first Kick class solo.

As in all by myself.

Meaning – taught all ten tracks without a break.

With no partner.

Result?

Sucking wind big-time but I made it!

I was mildly concerned that I’d be ready to pass out around track 6 or 7 (and I was a little light headed, not gonna lie) but I powered through to the end. I would’ve liked to have finished the last muay thai with more energy but alas, a challenge for the next solo class, right?

So what did I learn from today’s solo excursion?

  • That I CAN do this. Duh, I just DID it.
  • That I really DO know this release like the back of my hand (except for one shuffle back vs. shuffle forward!)
  • That I am getting there in the pre-cuing, better than before, but still a work-in-progress.
  • That my tone is stronger but now I need to work on not sounding too monotonous which I sensed near the end as I wore myself out.
  • That my form is pretty darn good, but I need to really watch it as I get tired or I’ll lose my form and I’m sure that won’t fly when I tape my video assessment!
  • That this is FUN.

Yep, today was fun. I was a little bit apprehensive so even though I’d view today’s experience as fun and overall a success, I think the NEXT solo run will be even better because I’ll know what to expect and I’ll know what to watch for (form, tonality) as I get tired during the latter half of the workout.

It’s kind of crazy, I almost labeled this post “nearing the finish line” since I’m getting close to taping my video assessment (probably next couple weeks??) but really? There is no finish line. The video assessment is just the next speed bump along the way. I’ve learned that this experience truly is a continued work-in-progress and a LOT of work at that. You can’t jump into something like this and not be dedicated and ready to work because it truly is never-ending. Once I pass my video assessment (or once I tape it, even), I’ll be reviewing and learning a whole set of ten new tracks for the April ’10 release which I’m thinking we’ll be launching in another month or so at the gym. Um, crazy! But awesome, too. This has been such an eye-opening experience and one that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Today reminded me exactly why I’m in it until the “end” (whatever that means). I’m living out my dream and it’s awesome. Words cannot describe. I actually caught my reflection in the window at one point this morning, all decked out in my Kick attire and headset and thought, “wow, that’s really me up there teaching!” I really did. So weird, as if this whole thing was just a dream or something. Nope, it’s real. Thank God. πŸ™‚

Reason #4,576 why I hate going to the doctor

They weigh you.

Yes, I was weighed today.

For the first time in a year.

Have I mentioned how much I hate the scale?

For me, I end up fixating on a number. A number which is arbitrary to begin with (in my opinion). A number that doesn’t tell the full story of how healthy or fit (or not) you may be.

And I swore this time, I would not fixate. I would not care what the number said on the scale today.

But secretly? I was hoping for a “good” number, better than last year’s (which was darn good given it showed a 10 lb loss from the year prior to that), even.

But no, the number was awful. Not what I expected at all. And yes, I totally beat myself up for it the minute it registered on the scale. And am *still* beating myself up for it as I write this very blog post.

Why? Why must we torture ourselves, ladies?? Especially for me – someone who firmly believes (despite what my beaten-up brain is fighting me on) that the number on the scale should not matter. It’s how you feel when you step off that treadmill, or throw your towel down after an amazing kickboxing class, weight-training class or Cathe DVD.

Yet here I am, spending half my day distracted by that NUMBER. I’m quite honestly embarrassed at myself for falling so easily for it, too. And for not getting over it yet, hours and hours after my appointment ended.

Oddly enough, I’m still harping on this after receiving (graciously!) a compliment from a friend earlier today who mentioned that I looked great, must’ve lost a bunch of weight, blah blah blah. To which I relayed this very story to her. She scoffed, saying not to worry about it, that I looked great and must be building muscle for the scale to register the way it did.

Received a similar response from my sister and from Scott, too. Scott asked me this:

Scott: How did you feel this morning when you woke up?

Me: Great.

Scott: There’s your answer. Who cares what the scale said.

And he’s right, my sis is right, my friend is right. But WHY does it bother me so much still???

I think because I’ve been working so hard in the past 6 months or so that I just assumed the “number” would be a nice finishing touch, NOT that I needed it for my hard work to be validated. At least, I didn’t think I needed that. Apparently, I did.

Well, it’s time to fully accept the fact that the number on the scale is just that: a number. It’s done and over with and it does not, and should not matter.

There.

Done.

I’m moving on. (ok, so it’s not quite so easy as it sounds, can I have until the end of the day to get over it, please??).

And PS. I’m totally looking into having my metabolism tested (similar to what Naomi did recently) to see exactly what my resting metabolic rate is so I can figure out if I’m eating the right amounts of foods for the high level of activity I do week-to-week. Part of me wonders if that number today was a sign that my problem is not that I’m “fat” but that my body is fighting to hold onto the pounds because I’m burning more calories and not eating enough to make up for the deficit. Something to think about…