As in, shake it off. STAT.
Without sounding totally melodramatic (because really, it could be MUCH worse), I’m feeling really down and out and I can’t shake it off for the life of me. I haven’t felt this negative and doubtful in a long time and I am just having a really hard time trying to brush it off and get back to the “Positive Polly” I know is lurking in me somewhere.
I know I’m in a bad place if my sister agreed the second I said something to that effect to her earlier today via blackberry IM (yes, we text all the time, even in the midst of getting ready for work in the morning…and that’s after we spent the last two hours at the gym together, what can I say, we’re weird!).
The most frustrating part? What’s bothering me isn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and I know there is a light somewhere at the end of that tunnel, I just wish I could fast-forward to that “light.” Though, as in all things, I know these “down” moments all have meaning and are all meant to be learning moments, making me stronger and a better person overall. I especially hate that I’ve gotten to this dark point where I’m sort of going into fight or flight mode which is supremely frustrating – I’m NOT a quitter by any stretch so why am allowing negativity to overshadow EVERY step of my day? It’s just not worth it and I know this. Yet, I still can’t seem to shake, shake, shake it off.
I’ve even let this bout of negativity interfere with my feelings towards Kick. Again, like I said earlier this week, teaching Kick is me fulfilling a lifelong dream. It’s utterly ridiculous that even that has turned from an exciting, invigorating, quasi-scary challenge into a stressful thing lurking in the back of my mind. I’ve lost sight of the purpose behind Kick – for me, but for those taking my class. For me – it’s a passion fulfilled; for students taking class – it’s their outlet for releasing stress, it’s an opportunity to sweat (like whoa) and it’s FUN. Losing sight of those things means I’m no longer enjoying the fact that I’ve made a dream come true which is sad and silly, really.
Apologies in advance for being SO darn down and out today. This is one of those “blog-it-out” moments, clearly. I promise I will SHAKE IT OFF as quickly as I can. I’m thinking tonight might involve a second workout – just some treadmill work to release the pent-up frustration I’m feeling. We’ll see.
In the meantime, can someone point me to the “fast forward” button, please? 😉
PS. THANK YOU for all the advice regarding the Cape Cod Relay, SO unbelievably helpful – and all of your comments and thoughts made for an all-time high traffic day for the blog, pretty cool! So my decision? I’m not going to do the relay – but ONLY because it would mean sacrificing my laser focus on Kick which is my #1 priority right now. Good decision, I think so!