A mixed bag ‘o emotions

Alright, so I’m feeling a little bit rollercoaster-y today (yes, that is a word!).

Let’s start with the good.

I went to Ride today for the first time in eons. I mean, I’ve been to other Ride classes but seriously haven’t gone to the 8am class on Saturday in at least three months due to Kick, amongst other things. I went today and it was killer – it was taught by one of my favorite Ride instructors who just ROCKS that class no matter what. Even when you are at your most tired, your legs don’t want to move any harder or faster, he gets you there. It’s amazing. It’s this class that I’ve always found that I let my body go and I just live in that sweat-filled moment and ride my butt off. It’s sort of like an out of body experience, Ride-style, if you can picture it that way. So, needless to say, endorphin rush is my new best friend today! Plus – I went to pilates after that which I’ve not done (at this gym anyway) – but more on that in a second.

No, the not so good.

We met with our fitness director last night and, let’s just say, her delivery leaves much to be desired sometimes. Yes, she can be SUPER sweet and caring and then, when she gets down to business, she can be infuriating, mostly because she makes those sweeping generalizations that I hate. Anyway, I’m not going to get into everything we discussed here, but long story short, she mentioned she might want me to re-tape. Yes, re-tape my assessment video.

Um, what?

But – she mentioned it as if it were no big deal and then moved on to a new topic. Ok, thanks, super helpful. Not.

So, I asked to talk to her for a few minutes after we went over the new release (which, um, she wants to launch in ohhhh, two weeks, but that’s another story entirely).

She pulled me into her pilates studio with this look of concern on her face. “What’s wrong??” She said, all concerned. (Ummm, what do you mean what’s wrong? You drop a bomb like that on me and then wonder what’s wrong?)

I asked her for some real, 1:1 feedback – what do I need to do to pass this assessment, what do I need to do to prove to you that I can and WILL do this? What can I do to prove that I will be just as good as the “top three” already are?

And she was helpful, honest and encouraging. For the first time since I started working through Kick with her. A little late, no?

My biggest issue with her has been her scattered style of managing the various group fitness programs at my gym. Because she’s so busy and juggling so many balls all the time, she hardly has time to really focus on each instructor to make sure they’re getting where they need to be. So yes, the “top three” right now are the three Kick instructors who already teach either Power or Ride. So, duh, obviously they already know how to teach and, to a certain extent, how to prep for other BTS classes because they already do so. Wouldn’t it make sense, then, to spend MORE time with the ones that are “newbies” at teaching but also really, REALLY, want to be great teachers (like me!!)?

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Needless to say, I was so frustrated last night BUT I did feel better after talking to her separately because it seemed clear that she does want me to succeed and she does want me to get a class on the schedule. As for my tape? She’s going to review it again. She doesn’t think I’ll fail necessarily, just that some of my technique could use some tightening up – which I know, and I’m working on every single day. Which she’d know if she ever took one of the classes I teach. I digress – sorry, see? I’m such a mixed bag of emotions! I mean, on the one hand, it’s fine if I need to re-tape to pass, but on the other, I really just want to get it done, push that release aside so I can totally focus on the new material for the next launch. I HAVE to learn those tracks ASAP and as of now, I’ve only gone through the new release three times. That’s IT.

As for the pilates class this morning? That’s the other thing she mentioned – she is requiring us to start taking a core class at least once a week to tighten up our core strength for all the punching, kicking and stability work we do in Kick. I totally get that and honestly, by her “requiring” us to do it will actually force me to go. I get so frustrated by core classes because I’m not flexible at all for one, and for two, I do have a weaker core which always annoys me for some reason, probably because I don’t view myself as “weak” very often (or try not to!).

I think this all goes back to the fact that I am NOT good at not being good at something, especially something I love as much as fitness. I think that’s what really got me last night – this is the first time, probably ever, that I’m not in the “top of my class” so to speak. I’ve always been an overachiever, always been one of the best students, best managers at my job, and one of the more fit in my circle of friends, family, etc. Yet, this Kick thing really gets me. I’m NOT at the top of this class. I realized going in that this would be a ginormous challenge for me (not just the class itself, but the teaching element, the choregraphy, etc.) but even now, when I’m hitting a stumbling block, I need to remember just how far I’ve come. I keep saying it, but it’s true – I need to keep that perspective as I face the next “hill” in what has become a challenge with no end. And I’ve gotta be ok with that, because it’s not ending anytime soon, that’s for sure!

In closing (sorry for the whopper of a post!!), I’m reverting back to this quote that inspired my blog post the other day because it just fits so perfectly here, too:

Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson