A mixed bag ‘o emotions

Alright, so I’m feeling a little bit rollercoaster-y today (yes, that is a word!).

Let’s start with the good.

I went to Ride today for the first time in eons. I mean, I’ve been to other Ride classes but seriously haven’t gone to the 8am class on Saturday in at least three months due to Kick, amongst other things. I went today and it was killer – it was taught by one of my favorite Ride instructors who just ROCKS that class no matter what. Even when you are at your most tired, your legs don’t want to move any harder or faster, he gets you there. It’s amazing. It’s this class that I’ve always found that I let my body go and I just live in that sweat-filled moment and ride my butt off. It’s sort of like an out of body experience, Ride-style, if you can picture it that way. So, needless to say, endorphin rush is my new best friend today! Plus – I went to pilates after that which I’ve not done (at this gym anyway) – but more on that in a second.

No, the not so good.

We met with our fitness director last night and, let’s just say, her delivery leaves much to be desired sometimes. Yes, she can be SUPER sweet and caring and then, when she gets down to business, she can be infuriating, mostly because she makes those sweeping generalizations that I hate. Anyway, I’m not going to get into everything we discussed here, but long story short, she mentioned she might want me to re-tape. Yes, re-tape my assessment video.

Um, what?

But – she mentioned it as if it were no big deal and then moved on to a new topic. Ok, thanks, super helpful. Not.

So, I asked to talk to her for a few minutes after we went over the new release (which, um, she wants to launch in ohhhh, two weeks, but that’s another story entirely).

She pulled me into her pilates studio with this look of concern on her face. “What’s wrong??” She said, all concerned. (Ummm, what do you mean what’s wrong? You drop a bomb like that on me and then wonder what’s wrong?)

I asked her for some real, 1:1 feedback – what do I need to do to pass this assessment, what do I need to do to prove to you that I can and WILL do this? What can I do to prove that I will be just as good as the “top three” already are?

And she was helpful, honest and encouraging. For the first time since I started working through Kick with her. A little late, no?

My biggest issue with her has been her scattered style of managing the various group fitness programs at my gym. Because she’s so busy and juggling so many balls all the time, she hardly has time to really focus on each instructor to make sure they’re getting where they need to be. So yes, the “top three” right now are the three Kick instructors who already teach either Power or Ride. So, duh, obviously they already know how to teach and, to a certain extent, how to prep for other BTS classes because they already do so. Wouldn’t it make sense, then, to spend MORE time with the ones that are “newbies” at teaching but also really, REALLY, want to be great teachers (like me!!)?

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Needless to say, I was so frustrated last night BUT I did feel better after talking to her separately because it seemed clear that she does want me to succeed and she does want me to get a class on the schedule. As for my tape? She’s going to review it again. She doesn’t think I’ll fail necessarily, just that some of my technique could use some tightening up – which I know, and I’m working on every single day. Which she’d know if she ever took one of the classes I teach. I digress – sorry, see? I’m such a mixed bag of emotions! I mean, on the one hand, it’s fine if I need to re-tape to pass, but on the other, I really just want to get it done, push that release aside so I can totally focus on the new material for the next launch. I HAVE to learn those tracks ASAP and as of now, I’ve only gone through the new release three times. That’s IT.

As for the pilates class this morning? That’s the other thing she mentioned – she is requiring us to start taking a core class at least once a week to tighten up our core strength for all the punching, kicking and stability work we do in Kick. I totally get that and honestly, by her “requiring” us to do it will actually force me to go. I get so frustrated by core classes because I’m not flexible at all for one, and for two, I do have a weaker core which always annoys me for some reason, probably because I don’t view myself as “weak” very often (or try not to!).

I think this all goes back to the fact that I am NOT good at not being good at something, especially something I love as much as fitness. I think that’s what really got me last night – this is the first time, probably ever, that I’m not in the “top of my class” so to speak. I’ve always been an overachiever, always been one of the best students, best managers at my job, and one of the more fit in my circle of friends, family, etc. Yet, this Kick thing really gets me. I’m NOT at the top of this class. I realized going in that this would be a ginormous challenge for me (not just the class itself, but the teaching element, the choregraphy, etc.) but even now, when I’m hitting a stumbling block, I need to remember just how far I’ve come. I keep saying it, but it’s true – I need to keep that perspective as I face the next “hill” in what has become a challenge with no end. And I’ve gotta be ok with that, because it’s not ending anytime soon, that’s for sure!

In closing (sorry for the whopper of a post!!), I’m reverting back to this quote that inspired my blog post the other day because it just fits so perfectly here, too:

Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

13 thoughts on “A mixed bag ‘o emotions

  1. Breathe….. At least the spin class was great. I wish I had a really fun class like that to look forward to. I totally understand your frustrations about not being the best right away. It’s probably good for you though in the long run right? Live and learn and move along. You can’t always be perfect so learn from that. Big hug to you!!!!

    • Ha, was it that obvious by my post that I’m not “breathing” Heather?? πŸ˜‰
      It’s just so hard for me to accept that I’m not good (or at least not great) at something like Kick. I know I have it in me, it’s just so much harder, in so many ways, than I anticipated. I know I’m making good progress, but girl, this is tough stuff. Ack!

  2. Girl, I haven’t posted in over a month because I’m in the mist of starting my own business plus working, so I’ve just gone back to reading and lurking BUT I felt the the need to comment on this post!! πŸ™‚

    It is up to YOU whether to send in the video or not – she is not the one who watches it and assess it. Don’t let someone else put doubt in your mind. Is she even Kick certified? I think from your previous posts she isn’t…when I was going to go back to teach late last summer the director wasn’t Kick certified so I was going to audition in front of one of the other Kick instructors that she already knew. BTS knows that you get better with time too! I think if your video was so awful (I really think this is seriously doubtful) she would have told your sooner, right?

    My first program I went through was Ride (well really RPM because I did all the Les Mill programs before it switched to BTS it ’05). I was so stinkin’ scared to send in the video and I didn’t. I went over the 90 days because I was scared of failing. And I was just sitting on a bike. Not even jumping around, kicking and punching!

    So send that video in or I’m flying up to Boston to get it and hand delivering it to BTS!!! πŸ˜‰

    • I just sent you a side email Liz – you are a life saver,thank you for your comment! It totally gives me new perspective, thank you thank you!! (though I wouldn’t mind a visit so feel free to come up to Boston anytime, ha!)

  3. as a total outsider who only knows you based on what has been written by you, this sounds like its related to your overall tendency to NOT do things out of your comfort zone and to hate breaking routines. Even, surprisingly, when it comes to fitness activities.

    I have to say i’m incredibly impressed with all of the amount of working out you do and the guts it takes to try out to be a Kick instructor, however my “advice” (totally unwarranted, i know πŸ™‚ is to SLOW DOWN, let go and focus.

    you can’t meet all your fitness goals you’ve ever had at the same time (pushing STS harder, running farther or faster, spinning, kicking, etc.). That’s SO much and IMO, taking you away from mastering your Kick goal.

    choose 1-2 fitness goals to focus on for the time being (sounds like Kick + core is what calls now in order to get through the assessment triumphant), and let go of all the other workout routines you’ve had in the past for a bit. Maybe by truly focusing on kick and embracing core a little bit more, the rest will fall into place. you can always pick everything else right back up and sprinkle it into your exercise options, but if you want to “get this” now, then focus on it completely.

    again, as an outsider i hope my perspective can still be helpful. when i read your blog, Kick and its many ups and downs and frustrations is a reoccurring theme, and yet, every post has a huge range of exercising in it. either way GOOD LUCK!

    oh, and please don’t let that instructor lady get to you too much. she’s clearly holding you “newbies” to the standard of the other instructors who have been doing this so much longer and that’s just unreasonable. will be an ever better feeling for you once you do pass tho!!

    • WOW. You’ve given me a lot to think about – and I totally appreciate the advice, never unwarranted, otherwise why would I have this very blog? πŸ™‚
      Thank you for your honest assessment – maybe you are right (actually, I’m pretty sure you are right!)…the question is, can I really give up the other things I love to do for the time being to hone my Kick skills? I guess I have to if I’m going to reach my goal, huh? Eeek, I’m so not good at breaking routine!! THANK you again!!

    • Okay, wow, I totally agree with this comment – we both need to focus on KICK right now, not running, not anything, just this, at least till we pass. We can BOTH do it, we got this!!

  4. I don’t care how busy your fitness director is, she’s still really bad at communicating and that’s a big part of her job! You always work hard and give it your best, so I think that all you can is meet with her every so often (1-1) and go over things. Don’t let her get in your way!

  5. Sorry your fitness director hasn’t been very helpful. 😦 I’ve never seen someone quite as passionate as you and I know you won’t let her stop you from reaching your goals. Keep goin’ girl, you’re doing great!! πŸ™‚

    • Thanks Laura and Em – you’re right, my fitness director really DOES need to do a better job of communicating. But, despite her lack of communication skills, I somehow need to prove to her that I can do this so I guess that means I’ll work even harder, huh??

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