Hello, Kettle? Meet: Black.

Y’know the whole “pot calling the kettle black thing?”

Yes, well I’ve decided I’m horrible at taking my own advice, especially when that advice comes from the sage words of Joel Osteen or my husband or my friends (IRL and blogger alike!).

I got an email from my fitness director today basically saying that she’s going to review everyone’s tapes, send them in (the ones that haven’t been sent in) and regardless of that, she’ll be deciding who is getting a class/not getting a class based on her/the gym’s standards and not based on BTS, necessarily. Obviously, we all have to pass the assessment first – which is done by BTS – but according to her, their standards for passing are “minimal” and don’t necessarily reflect the standards of the gym in terms of granting someone a class on the schedule. A long way of saying “watch out, you aren’t all going to get a class just because you pass the BTS assessment.”

Which, of course I knew all along but reading those words from her today left a sinking feeling in my stomach.

What if I don’t get a class?

I know, it’s NOT the end of the world and I’ve still made such leaps and bounds as it is, that I shouldn’t feel like a failure if that happens.

But…I will.

It’s just something I’m so passionate about achieving and want SO badly that if I don’t get a class, I’m going to be very upset (so watch out people, I may need a bunch of virtual hugs!).

Now maybe I’m overreacting and have nothing to worry about but I’m just so afraid of the potential letdown that I’m anticipating the worst and it stinks.

Such a rollercoaster this morning – especially after I had a great morning workout, I practiced two of my five tracks that I was assigned to learn this week from the new release until I had them down pat. I also practiced two of the other tracks a bit but am planning to focus on those hard-core tomorrow until I have them down, too. I was feeling so confident that by Friday I’d have all five of the ten tracks down pretty well for our next group practice. It was a great feeling, a relief, and it made me feel good that I made the right decision about focus.

But now I’m feeling sort of down, and not all that hopeful. And I’ve totally lost sight of what I said yesterday – this is NOT in my hands to decide, the when I’ll reach my goal aspect. The timeline is not in my hands, nor was it ever. It’s in God’s hands when I’ll reach my goal – which is comforting in a way because at least I know that I will reach my goal eventually, even if not on my timeline (which is, um, NOW – too bad I don’t know already if that matches His timeline or not, huh??).

Anyway, just a lot rolling around in my brain today. I am trying not to let it get to me, focusing on my day at work (which isn’t looking all that awesome either, but at least its sunny out and I have plans with one of my bestest friends tonight to look forward to) instead.

As usual, though, thanks for listening to be “blog it out” once again.  🙂