Hello, Kettle? Meet: Black.

Y’know the whole “pot calling the kettle black thing?”

Yes, well I’ve decided I’m horrible at taking my own advice, especially when that advice comes from the sage words of Joel Osteen or my husband or my friends (IRL and blogger alike!).

I got an email from my fitness director today basically saying that she’s going to review everyone’s tapes, send them in (the ones that haven’t been sent in) and regardless of that, she’ll be deciding who is getting a class/not getting a class based on her/the gym’s standards and not based on BTS, necessarily. Obviously, we all have to pass the assessment first – which is done by BTS – but according to her, their standards for passing are “minimal” and don’t necessarily reflect the standards of the gym in terms of granting someone a class on the schedule. A long way of saying “watch out, you aren’t all going to get a class just because you pass the BTS assessment.”

Which, of course I knew all along but reading those words from her today left a sinking feeling in my stomach.

What if I don’t get a class?

I know, it’s NOT the end of the world and I’ve still made such leaps and bounds as it is, that I shouldn’t feel like a failure if that happens.

But…I will.

It’s just something I’m so passionate about achieving and want SO badly that if I don’t get a class, I’m going to be very upset (so watch out people, I may need a bunch of virtual hugs!).

Now maybe I’m overreacting and have nothing to worry about but I’m just so afraid of the potential letdown that I’m anticipating the worst and it stinks.

Such a rollercoaster this morning – especially after I had a great morning workout, I practiced two of my five tracks that I was assigned to learn this week from the new release until I had them down pat. I also practiced two of the other tracks a bit but am planning to focus on those hard-core tomorrow until I have them down, too. I was feeling so confident that by Friday I’d have all five of the ten tracks down pretty well for our next group practice. It was a great feeling, a relief, and it made me feel good that I made the right decision about focus.

But now I’m feeling sort of down, and not all that hopeful. And I’ve totally lost sight of what I said yesterday – this is NOT in my hands to decide, the when I’ll reach my goal aspect. The timeline is not in my hands, nor was it ever. It’s in God’s hands when I’ll reach my goal – which is comforting in a way because at least I know that I will reach my goal eventually, even if not on my timeline (which is, um, NOW – too bad I don’t know already if that matches His timeline or not, huh??).

Anyway, just a lot rolling around in my brain today. I am trying not to let it get to me, focusing on my day at work (which isn’t looking all that awesome either, but at least its sunny out and I have plans with one of my bestest friends tonight to look forward to) instead.

As usual, though, thanks for listening to be “blog it out” once again.Β  πŸ™‚

16 thoughts on “Hello, Kettle? Meet: Black.

  1. It is really hard to take our own advice sometimes. It’s easy to say it, to think you get it, but then reality hits and you’re faced with that obstacle. Just keep repeating your advice to yourself. Think about all the positives (e.g., sunshine, time with BFF). Remember Scott’s words: Let yourself be great!

    • I know Heather – everything you’re saying is spot-on and so true (and everything I’ve been blogging about lately is what I NEED to focus on) but like you said, its hard to live it when you’re face with reality. Ugh…maybe my middle name should be kettle black πŸ˜‰

  2. Good post – sis – I hope blogging it out made you feel better. Bottom line, we are doing this for ourselves FIRST, not for “Kimmie” and not for the gym, but for US. So, just go for it, we got this, we have come so far!!

    • It did make me feel better, the blogging it out part, but still, I REALLY want this despite the fact that we’re still succeeding just by getting as far as we’ve gotten. BUT – its like the guy who competes on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” – do you think he really wants to leave with anything less than a million bucks?? Yeah, that’s how I feel πŸ˜‰

  3. Ugh, this lady SUCKS. I don’t blame you for feeling bummed out, but you’re right…all you can do is your best (like you’d ever do anything less than that)!

    Hugs!

  4. All you can do is do your best and be happy with whatever the outcome is because you can know you gave it your all. πŸ™‚

    Although I do feel your pain. I have been saying a LOT lately that I don’t mind waiting…I just want to know how long I have to wait for! It’s the not knowing that kills me. And I’m sure that’s one of the biggest struggles for you too.

    • YES, the not knowing and not being in control is killer for me Tina! I’m such a control freak, this is pure torture! Thanks for feeling for me on this one πŸ™‚

  5. Friend – I’m sorry. Tons going on – but breathe. It will work out. I have faith you’ll have a class – even if I have to drive up there and join the gym and demand you teach this class.

  6. The “kettle/black” sayings is one of my faves….describes me so well! I love trying to pump other people up, but sometimes (okay….more than that) I have trouble taking my own advice.

    Wow….I didn’t realize some instructors wouldn’t get a class? Do you know how many? *first of all, I know you will get a class, girl! You’re incredibly dedicated to this (understatement). And even if the slim chance comes that you don’t….there will be a solution to that, too – another gym, maybe someone else backs down, maybe something will happen in your life that will open another door? – I know the waiting/worrying is the hardest part. But we are here for your venting – and we all have faith in you!

    • Holly – you are so awesome!! That made me feel sooo much better about things! See? Sometimes I just need someone to slap me with new perspective – because you’re exactly right, not the end of the world if I don’t get a class right away or even at my gym…all is not lost. It’s just so hard to bear that in mind when its ALL I’ve been thinking about for five months!!

  7. Pingback: The “Wicked Half” « EatDrinkBreatheSweat

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