…I feel a little bit like a fraud or a hypocrite.
Because, after this week’s posts that have focused on Operation Beautiful, the 30 Days of Self-Love challenge, and all of this talk of making peace with our bodies, and I have not held up my end of the bargain.
Not entirely, anyway.
By and large this week I’ve battled fat-talk and a feeling of self-doubt about my appearance. It’s SO frustrating and in a way, has become kind of debilitating.
I sit here thinking that after all of this inspiration, I should damn well believe in myself. But nope, I’m sitting here doubting myself, looking for any signs of “fat” when I look in the mirror.
I just want to shake it off, telling myself that I am beautiful, that inner beauty is really what defines beauty (which is true – check out Tina‘s post today for a discussion on that very topic). Something I firmly believe.
But I’m having a hard time breaking the fat-talk habit.
And that’s what it’s come down to for me: a habit. One that I’m having a really hard time quitting. I know it takes time to make a habit, I’ve blogged about that often enough here, but I guess I haven’t tried to break a habit in such a long time that I thought that nixing the negativity and the fat-talk would just cease to exist if I set my mind to it.
It’s just not that easy for me.
So please, bear with me – I’m trying. I will get there. I just might have a “moment” or two where inspiration is hard to muster and the “other” side – the “blog it out” side of me comes out for awhile. I know you’ll understand – so many of you have blogged lately about being a truthful blogger and have shared some great stories of personal trials and tribulations which I admire and respect, truly and deeply.
So this is me – as honest as I can be. Seeking the return to my confidence, my inner beauty and the same deep love and respect of myself that I give to others.