Sometimes, I wonder – revisited

So, I promised you I’d return to the “Sometimes I wonder” blog I posted the other day. But, after re-reading it today, I realized that many of the things I was “wondering” about, I sort of already addressed in follow-on blog posts on balance, body image and all that jazz.

But what I didn’t return to was this:

Sometimes I wonder……if marriage should be hard work to maintain (they should – more on this later).

So here’s the deal.

Scott and I have a great marriage.

But it’s work. A LOT of work.

And I seriously mean that in the best way possible.

Marriage isn’t easy. But then again, as Teddy Roosevelt so famously said:

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led diffcult lives and led them well.”

And that’s the mantra we try to live by.

As I’ve mentioned here on this blog before, we’ve had our stumbles along the way, but it was those stumbles that brought us to where we are today. With the realization that we need to constantly work on our relationship to keep that spark alive as it will fade with time if not constantly fed “fuel” (pardon the lame analogy!).

That’s one of the big reasons why working out together is so important to us. It’s unique “us” time versus the traditional date nights out or date nights in and the quick little getaways to Boston (like we did this weekend!). The time we spend working out, we have some of our best conversations. It’s why I LOVE having him as my running buddy – because we have that time to talk, dream, let our thoughts wander and intertwine with one another’s.

I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt that he is the one and only for me. Forever. I know some don’t subscribe to the mindset that there is just one person out there to make their heart whole (and honestly, I don’t disagree with those that feel this way, to each his/her own), but Scott is it for me. He’s my best friend, my biggest fan, the love of my life, and more often than not, my better half (gee, I really hope he’s reading this part, ha!).

So long story short – marriage takes work. Every single day.

But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

**********

The other piece I never addressed again in my previous post was my comment on friendships and that they should NOT take work to maintain.

Quite the opposite of what I feel about marriage.

And here’s why: Good friends, those worth keeping for years and years to come, just come naturally. Those friendships where, no matter how much time passes, you can always pick up where you left off without skipping a beat? THOSE are the friends worth keeping. Not the friends you have to justify your every move to, right down to the things that make you YOU (Heather posted about this very topic recently, wholeheartedly agree). Friendships involve give and take and it should feel pretty evenly split. You shouldn’t have to give, give, give and never have that feeling reciprocated. If you do, that “friend” of yours might not be the true friend you’d hope they’d be.

This is a mindset I’ve carried with me over the years and it’s never let me down – I have friends from various stages of my life. Some are friends that mix and mingle with my other friends, some are totally separate. Some are even virtual (hello bloggy friends!). But that’s ok. They are all my friends for good reason, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

**********

PS. If you haven’t seen it already, I’m a featured blogger at Fitblogger today and, as it turns out, I’m the first-ever “Workout Wednesday” blogger over at Healthy Living Blogs. Check it out! Both are great healthy living communities – if you aren’t part of either group, I’d highly recommend it.

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15 thoughts on “Sometimes, I wonder – revisited

  1. Great post. I totally agree with you (go figure right???). I think that while marriage is work, it’s work with the understanding that it’s for a good reason. It’s not just work for nothing. I think both partners have to understand this and work together. I love when Jason and I run together. There really is no other time like it. We may not talk, but then again we might. Either way, it’s just the feeling of being together. This is one reason I am soooo missing my runs, especially our long Saturday runs. Just spending that hour and a half together with nothing else to worry about (other than making it back to the car LOL).

    • Shocker. We agree on something. NO WAY!! 😉
      You and Jason sound soooo similar to me and Scott, it’s uncanny.
      PS. I miss our long runs too, we’ve hardly had any time to run together lately either, hoping to fix that this weekend or next while the holidays are upon us and I’ll have more opportunity for a daylight hours run (and hopefully not in frigid temps!)!

  2. Your words about friendship really hit a chord with me- I’ve been struggling with a friend lately- I always feel like I’m getting nothing back, and I think it’s time I move on and not let it bother me anymore. Thank you!

    • So glad to hear it! It’s so sad and frustrating when you feel like all you do is give, and get nothing in return. And it’s equally hard to admit when a friendship has run it’s course, but in some cases, you’re just going to find that you’re better off without that type of friend in your life. You know? Hang in there!

  3. You’re so right on this sis – 100%! I think that more than anything, while friendships should have give and take, the bottom line is that they shouldn’t be work. Marriages and relationships on the other hand, do, and if you don’t put the effort in, what you’ve built up can quickly come cascading down. I will always say this – you and Scott are what I aspire to…and I daresay that the potential is there with M (perhaps very much early so but I have a good inkling!). 🙂

    • You are right – it can and DOES come cascading down and often before you even have time to realize it or fix it. My turn to say it again to you – what you’ve been through has been such an eye-opening experience for me personally as well as for you (obviously) and I am so thankful that you’ve come out so strongly and in SUCH a great relationship with M. I have an inkling it’s gonna last the long haul too 😉

  4. Love this post. I totally agree with you marriage and relationship with a guy does take work. As for the friendships, I don’t think all friendships are meant to last the journey of life, some friends you get on well with because you have a common interest (e.g. college course) but when that interest ends, you don’t have much in common. I think it can apply to friends having children too and when you don’t have children, you really don’t have as much in common with them and they don’t really want to hear about your life. At least this is what I’ve experienced. That may change for me when I have kids.

    I do have so wonderful friends and they are all very different and they see a different aspect of me- have fitness friends, foodie friends (though sometimes the fitness friends are foodie friends too). I have book friends who hate everything fitness but we still get on so well.

    • Thank you, Susan! I have to agree that some friendships are more “moment in time” friendships while others are meant to last a lifetime. It’s often those friendships where you share the most common interests that last, or where you end up in the same life stages together. But that’s not always the case. I have some friends that are near and dear to me but I don’t share a ton of commonalities with other than we both appreciate friendships for what they’re meant to be and make sure that we do the give and take thing equally. And it works.

  5. marriage is anything but easy, like you said. But I wouldn’t try so hard if I didn’t have such a joy and love for my husband. Its worth it, it makes us stronger, it humbles us, and hopefully I will be able to make him happier each day. I love your “wonder” thoughts. Cheers!
    LC

  6. love this point! I completely agree that marriage takes work and compromise! My husband and I thank God for each other daily but we also realize that open communication is of the utmost importance. We talked through everything and never go to bed angry! We love cooking together! It’s our time to bond! Much like how you enjoy working out together!

    With friends, it can be tough, especially when they live long distance. But you know you have a good friend when they call when they say they will and get back to you promptly and are just there for you when you need them! Good ones are hard to find!!

    • Compromise – so true. And never going to bed angry – we cannot do it, it just feels so unnatural and wrong. I’d rather stay up all night talking it out versus stewing over it all night. We love to cook together too – sometimes we do our own “throwdowns” like Bobby Flay on FoodTV to see who can out-cook the other. 😉

  7. Pingback: Hello, Runner’s High? « EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  8. Yes – I could not have written it better myself! (No, really….I couldn’t have). 😉 Though I don’t know about the marriage thing from experience, all “good” marriages that I’ve seen (my parents who are still together, and my sisters who are still married) all say it is WORK. It’s not supposed to be a walk in the park! I think the people who actually work on their marriages actually end up being the happiest in the end, IMO.

    And Amen to the friendships….I think when we’re younger, we don’t take into account how 50/50 things are. Not that a friendship should be a “you do this then I’ll do that” kind of thing, but if you’re putting all of the emotional work, listening and compassion into the friendship, without it in return? Well, I think you have your answer, right? Good friends should make you feel GOOD – it’s really that simple! 🙂

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