And so it begins (again)…

Soooo I’ve finally done it.

I’ve just committed to my second half marathon.

<Eeeek>

It’s on August 14 – the Cape Ann YuKanRun Half Marathon.  <–aptly named, I must say!

I’ll be running it in my hometown of Gloucester, MA

With my husband, my sister and her boyfriend M  (hopefully – someone please tell her that yes, she CAN do this again, please??), and hopefully my sister-in-law, too.

Currently, I’m a bundle of mixed emotions – joy, excitement, pride, anxiety.

…but I’m hoping that last one subsides a bit.

This time around (pretty similar to the Wicked Half), I’m not planning to have a hard “time goal” in mind (numbers and I don’t do well) and I’m not going to have a super-duper structured training plan. Again – I love structure in some cases, but in other cases (like this one), I’d rather have flexibility to train when I want/how I want.

What I really want to come out of this?

I want to finish what I started.

Even though I definitely call the half marathon last year a successful one, I can’t help but feel like I didn’t quite finish what I started. Mentally, more than anything else. I sort of let my anxiety towards the last handful of miles of the race mess with my mind. I lost my confidence and sort of crumbled by the end of it. Sure, some of that was dehydration related, but I know that part of it was my confidence waning. Like I said in this post last week, I’ve found that as I get close to success, I start to second guess myself and I pull back.

I’ll give you an example (my sisters will giggle at this one). Picture this scene. I was in fifth grade. At the spelling bee competition. I had just one more word to spell and I’d make it to the semi-finals. In Washington, DC. The sheer thought of getting up on such a big stage and in a city I’d never been to (at that age, I’d only flown one time and it was when I was 6 or 7) scared the life out of me. So – on the last word – jaguar – I misspelled it. On purpose. I came in as runner-up. Got my little trophy and didn’t tell a soul. Not right away anyway. I KNEW how to spell jaguar (with a “uar” at the end, not “ur”) –yet I purposefully threw the competition because I was afraid.

I was afraid to let myself be great.

This has been a constant battle for me – to this day. It happened during Kick training. It’s happened with running. I don’t want to face these battles anymore. I don’t want to pull back this time. I want to 100% embrace this journey, much like I’ve been embracing the Barre n9ne challenge. With enthusiasm and 100% commitment. Without pulling back. Without fear.

So I can truly finish what I started.

So with that said…YuKanRun Half – I’m coming for you.