And so it begins (again)…

Soooo I’ve finally done it.

I’ve just committed to my second half marathon.

<Eeeek>

It’s on August 14 – the Cape Ann YuKanRun Half Marathon.  <–aptly named, I must say!

I’ll be running it in my hometown of Gloucester, MA

With my husband, my sister and her boyfriend M  (hopefully – someone please tell her that yes, she CAN do this again, please??), and hopefully my sister-in-law, too.

Currently, I’m a bundle of mixed emotions – joy, excitement, pride, anxiety.

…but I’m hoping that last one subsides a bit.

This time around (pretty similar to the Wicked Half), I’m not planning to have a hard “time goal” in mind (numbers and I don’t do well) and I’m not going to have a super-duper structured training plan. Again – I love structure in some cases, but in other cases (like this one), I’d rather have flexibility to train when I want/how I want.

What I really want to come out of this?

I want to finish what I started.

Even though I definitely call the half marathon last year a successful one, I can’t help but feel like I didn’t quite finish what I started. Mentally, more than anything else. I sort of let my anxiety towards the last handful of miles of the race mess with my mind. I lost my confidence and sort of crumbled by the end of it. Sure, some of that was dehydration related, but I know that part of it was my confidence waning. Like I said in this post last week, I’ve found that as I get close to success, I start to second guess myself and I pull back.

I’ll give you an example (my sisters will giggle at this one). Picture this scene. I was in fifth grade. At the spelling bee competition. I had just one more word to spell and I’d make it to the semi-finals. In Washington, DC. The sheer thought of getting up on such a big stage and in a city I’d never been to (at that age, I’d only flown one time and it was when I was 6 or 7) scared the life out of me. So – on the last word – jaguar – I misspelled it. On purpose. I came in as runner-up. Got my little trophy and didn’t tell a soul. Not right away anyway. I KNEW how to spell jaguar (with a “uar” at the end, not “ur”) –yet I purposefully threw the competition because I was afraid.

I was afraid to let myself be great.

This has been a constant battle for me – to this day. It happened during Kick training. It’s happened with running. I don’t want to face these battles anymore. I don’t want to pull back this time. I want to 100% embrace this journey, much like I’ve been embracing the Barre n9ne challenge. With enthusiasm and 100% commitment. Without pulling back. Without fear.

So I can truly finish what I started.

So with that said…YuKanRun Half – I’m coming for you. 

Advertisements

49 thoughts on “And so it begins (again)…

  1. I love this sis! And the spelling bee…LOL I still can’t believe you threw a 5th grade spelling bee! Only you 😉 Yes, I know, I will sign up, I promise, I just need to get my outdoor running confidence up again…ya know, when this effing rain subsides. I want to finish what I started too.

    • I know…I had to throw that example in, it was too perfect not to, ya know?

      I will have confidence for the both of us, sis – you can do anything you put your mind to. I have all the faith in the world.

  2. I am so excited for you! Also – I love that you for you this is finishing what you started. In a sense, I am doing the same with my upcoming half. Except the last time I tried to run a half marathon, it was 10 years ago. Can you say procrastinator???

    • It really is. I don’t want to stumble back because I’m afraid to just do it, and to be great. It’s time to shine.

      As for you – hey, 10 yrs or not, a half is a huge accomplishment, no matter what!

  3. Hi Jess!
    I’m glad you decided to run this race! I’m running it too!!! It’s my first 1/2 and my goal is to finish it, that’s all, just finish 🙂 let’s hope the weather improves soon and who knows maybe our paths will cross up here on the Northshore 🙂
    Melissa

    • LOVE IT!!!! You will do great. Start strong, just finish. you got this!!!
      And yes, I am SURE our paths will cross soon – they have to, I can’t believe we only live one town apart. Crazy!!

  4. Get it girl!!! I live in RI, maybe I can either #1 join you for the run or #2 come and cheer you on!!!!

    Glad the running mojo is back:) You will own this race!

  5. yay good for you! you’ll do great!! i feel like i’ve been the same way in the past…kind of self sabotage because i guess we’re afraid of failure…? or greatness? i dont know…hah. but either way, this sounds like a great race…you can definitely kick its’ ass!

  6. Pingback: Now what? | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  7. I am so excited that you registered for another race! Yay!

    Your spelling bee story made me so sad, but I know what you mean about the mental part of it. I struggle with this on almost every run, but that’s what makes me keep coming back for more – because I know there is room for improvement. With every training cycle I pick one thing to focus on (other than just the running) – maybe you can focus on building mental strength as part of your training for this one?

    • That’s exactly right…I’m really, REALLY focusing on the mental side of running with this race. Between the mental aspect of Barre N9ne and the mental aspect of running, I’m thinking I can learn a lot from this training cycle.

  8. Pingback: “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.” | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  9. Pingback: Blog detox, runner’s high and Barre n9ne week #3! | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  10. Pingback: Observations (on barre, running, and randoms) | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  11. Pingback: Upping those miles! | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  12. Pingback: Ready for “battle”? | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  13. Pingback: 30 days in… | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  14. Pingback: Toes | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  15. Pingback: Listening, learning ‘n stuff | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  16. Pingback: barre n9ne –what’s working (for me) | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  17. Pingback: Of bucket lists and resolutions | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  18. Pingback: How you doin’? | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  19. Pingback: 5,000 thoughts | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  20. Pingback: In one month…13.1 | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  21. Pingback: It’s not over. | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  22. Pingback: Can’t. Stop. Sweating. | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  23. Pingback: Sharing the love | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  24. Pingback: 12 miles closer… | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  25. Pingback: It’s taper time | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  26. Pingback: Thoughts, 13.1 of them | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  27. Pingback: Note to self: On the eve of your second half marathon | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

  28. Pingback: 13.1 (pr)oud | EatDrinkBreatheSweat

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s