It’s about to get honest and real up in here.
I’m having doubts.
…about that *little* thing I signed up for on October 7th.
The Chicago Marathon. My first full marathon.
It’s ironic — and honestly, very frustrating — that I’m having moments of self-doubt and downright fear this week after just posting about how far I’ve come this past year, thanks to the barre n9ne 60-day challenge journey I’ve been on. A journey that has shown me that I have every right to love the skin I’m in, and to be confident in my abilities, in my strengths…in ME.
Yet, I’m doubting the marathon thing. Not just a little bit. But a lot.
…can I do it?
…do I (still) want to do it?
…what am I doing?? 26.2 is ridiculous.
...why am I doing this?
It’s that last question that really got to me.
why, why why.
Because I need to prove that I’m a serious runner? Nope, that’s not it. I run for me, not for a title, not to “belong,” but for me.
Because I said I would? Well kinda…but that’s not a good enough reason to put myself through 16 weeks of training.
Because this is my year — of no limits, no boundaries, and a helluva a lot of “getting uncomfortable?
Let’s face it — I’m only doing this thing once (and I MEAN that). And this is truly my year — both mentally but also physically. I am the strongest and fittest I’ve ever been. My body is ready for the pounding it’s gonna take from marathon training. This is it. Game on.
So why am I afraid? I guess its because I’m human and facing something as daunting as 26.2 miles is effing scary. It just is. It’s a powerful thing to say that your body was able to overcome the odds and ran 26.2 miles (because let’s be honest, very few in this world will ever do it). And I *do* want that. I guess I just don’t want marathon training to rule my life for the next four months – and maybe that’s why I’ve felt hesitant, scared, doubtful.
So I’ve made a deal with myself. Quite simply: I won’t allow marathon training to overcome me, my life, my semblance of balance. I know it won’t be all puppies and rainbows each and every week but I’m damn committed to making sure I’m having fun along the way. That I’m still following my #1 fit passion which is barre n9ne (sorry running, you come in 2nd place!). And that I’m still living life fully, happily, healthily and my way.
Ultimately, that’s the only way I’m going to get myself through marathon training without letting fear overcome me, without letting that creeper named “self-doubt” poke his head in the door, and without letting it steal my joy for other things in life.
So yeah, this is me being real, honest and 100% me here. Running this marathon is a HUGE goal of mine. But it’s not my life. It just isn’t.
I know this might sound counter-intuitive to those of you who *have* run marathons before, but I gotta go with my gut on this one.
(and on that note, be on the lookout for my “rebel without a cause” version of a marathon training plan. I’ll be sharing that with you next week!)